A Road Landscape

I remember about a place that changed in a matter of 3 years, and I cannot remember how it was before the new changes. The place I am talking about is in Carretera a EL Salvador, in Condado Concepción, where you find Wal-Mart, and Pradera Concepción. I know this place changed because I remember one afternoon when I was 5 or 6 years old and I was with my mom and my brother going to my grandparent´s house. We were in a white one cabin pick-up and it gave a special odor that, when I think about it, gives a special detail to the moment´s reminiscence. The smell was the motor´s odor with a little bit of gasoline, but it was nice, it wasn´t that strong. You could see the sky and it wasn´t magnificently blue, it had huge bluish gray clouds which seemed like they were made with cotton. I could also see some orange and pinkish thin but long clouds. I also saw the top of the tall trees that were at the side of the road, some of those trees are still in the road. I have the impression of an old photograph of a beautiful landscape in my memory made from this moment, it is a nice reminiscence. I remember the conversation we were having. I had asked my mother what was in that place before they had built Hiper Paiz, what in now a day is Wal-Mart. She told me that it was all grass with cows all over the place, but I couldn´t remember it.

                Since that day every single time I try to remember that place I get frustrated, it really annoys me, and it makes me mad because I try really hard to  remember just a small piece of the whole place and I just can´t! Fortunately I can remember another place, and how it was before it changed. That place, well it is another road, means a lot to me, because it is the road you have to take in order to get where my grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins from my dad´s family side live.

                This road is in Honduras, I am not sure but it might be 40 minutes or an hour and a half from the border line with Guatemala. I haven´t gone to Honduras in more than 8 years, but going there was absolutely an exciting trip. Right after the border when you were already in Honduras, the first thing you saw was that you were in the top of a mountain, and it was full of machines that were used to take out minerals from the soil. The rode wasn´t of concrete, it was an off road, and after you had driven those 40 minutes, half an hour you reached a small town with a restaurant at the top of another mountain. At the top of it when you were in the restaurant what you saw were just trees, really green and tall trees that saturated beautifully all the reaching capability of the eye sight. After we had lunch at that restaurant we got back in the car and my dad would drive until we reached my grandparent´s house in La Esperanza, Intibucá.

                The next time I went to Honduras was approximately a year and a half since the last time. I don´t remember why but my uncle went and met with us at that restaurant. It was funny and weird because we were, again, in a pick-up and my father sat in the back part of it, and in the other hand my uncle, mom, brother and I were inside. We weren´t even 2 miles away from that small town and we reached a stair between the concrete road and the one made of soil. My uncle told us that the road was absolutely new. I was impressed almost in shock because having to go in a road made of soil was part of the adventure, and it was scary sometimes, especially when we drove near a cliff. At the same time I enjoyed the new road. It was the last time I went to Honduras and I had the best view I ever had of the way to my grandparents. What I saw from my window frame was a dark pavement road, with the perfect yellow lines in the middle, it had no oil spots or rubber marks from wheels. It was a perfect view, I felt like if I was navigating in a river at the middle of a forest, because the trees hadn´t changed. it was a dark and deep green color the trees had, and you couldn´t see into the woods. What had changed was just the road, but at least for me it was more than just a road it really meant something. It made me appreciate and realize how beautiful that place was, and the best part is that instead of the road in Carretera a El Salvador, is that I do remember this one. I felt a great peace while my uncle drove the pick-up in all the curves of the road. At the end I finish up having two memory portraits of a road landscape, and in both of them I confronted completely different feelings. Also, both remind me how life changes and goes on, and it will not wait for any of us if we ever need to stop; we have to keep on living because the opportunity in life of living something new and making a memory will keep advancing as if you were watching a movie, the thing is that you won’t be able to stop it and rewind it.

"El Mundo de la Magia"

                I think about how, mostly, the older sibling has control, dominate and can fool the younger ones. That is caused because the younger siblings have a feeling of admiration and idolization toward the older one. I do not remember how I felt or what I thought when I was from 2 to approximately 6 years old that was when my brother was able to control me, but I can see siblings going through that, or I can hear stories from my friends and I can tell how the older one takes advantage of the innocence from the little one.  My brother can still fool me sometimes making me do what he wants me to do, but each time I get clever.  Where I´m trying to get is, because of the domination and control my brother had when I was little, now I have great memories I enjoy remembering and I can laugh off from when he made me believe or do certain things.

                I remember when I was no older than 5 years old, and in the house that we lived in my parents had a walking closet. And my brother, whom should had been 7 or 8 years old, would take me to “el mundo de la magia”, the magic world. It all started when we went into my parent´s closet that was the spacecraft in which we traveled in time. I don´t remember those trips very well, I cannot tell you if we went way back in the past and saw dinosaurs, but still I had a blast playing that.

                One day I was at my house with my mom and brother and we had just finished lunch. I can only remember that I have done something wrong, maybe I spilled a glass or something like that and my mom was angry. I did not like to be punished or grounded so I was crying in the living room with my brother beside me, and I could see my mom sweeping the dining floor. Then my brother told me to go upstairs and into the closet so we could go to “el mundo de la magia”. I refused the first time because I was upset, but my brother managed to convince me and go with him. So we started our crossing, but I wasn´t really convinced of wanting to go, for which my brother told me that we could go to our house and everything would be the same although my mom wouldn´t be mad. After hearing that I was completely convinced of going and after asking him some questions to make sure it was true we went into the closet. The protocol was that we were supposed to close our eyes and picture the place we wanted to go, and at the same time get on our knees, and then my brother would count regressively until zero. After he finished we would open our eyes and we were in the place we wanted.

                When I opened my eyes everything seemed the same as my house, but I had this strange feeling that something was different. I was not sure if it was different in a good or in a bad way, so I was intrigued but curious about it. Very careful, silent and slowly my brother and I went downstairs so I could check if it was true and in this place my mother wouldn´t be angry anymore. We were going through the stairs and at a certain point I was going to be able to see the dining room, so I was nervous and excited. When I got to that point I just saw my mother standing and facing indirectly the stairs, and she was with a smile on her face. I was shocked and impressed that it was true, my mom was happy and smiling!

                I know now that “el mundo de la magia” was just part of our imagination, and I remember also how years after that Istill remembered it and I couldn´t figure out how or what my brother did so when we went down my mom was happy. That reminiscence was able to make me unsure if, at that point, I was wrong by thinking that “el mundo de la magia” was not real.  I can hardly remember other trips and missions we made, but I can still remember the last one. I think we weren´t able to finish that mission because at that point I was older and I had lost my faith and the power of my imagination required to play. That moment hurt me, because I knew I was letting go something great, a big part of childhood, I’ve lost the innocence of a little kid. But another part of me, maybe not as big, was proud and happy because I knew that I wouldn´t be fooled any more. I miss those days, but it makes me happy to know that I have memories where I can rely on to remember especially something so meaningful for me as those trips to “el mundo de la magia”.

snow bunting birds

                My favorite station is winter. Did you saw today´s climate? It was cold when I woke up, and I did not wanted to get out from my bed but I knew I had to, and after I did the cold was not that bad. After the chills had gone I had no cold any more.  It felt fresh, but sporadically, during all day, I felt those chills again. Those chills were not uncomfortable, I somehow like them. Many people might wonder how can I like chills caused by cold, besides it is uncomfortable having sweaters and a quilts on. Still I like cold.  Have you ever wondered or has someone asked you whether you´ll prefer die burned or frozen? Personally I would choose frozen. But how about those really warm days when you cannot do anything to cool yourself? I have nothing against warm weather, but you have limits on ways to refresh yourself, I mean once you are naked you cannot take anything more off, and in the other hand if you are cold you can always put more clothes on.

                I like cold because it makes me feel alive. When I have a chill I feel like if all my blood was changing from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. Sometimes you can feel more than that, even your cells. It might also be just a small chill producing you, for a couple of seconds, goosebumps. Although, that is more than enough to remind you that you are alive, that you still need to keep living, keep trying, doing your best to survive; even if it is just symbolized with a cold breeze entering through your window, or maybe you just need to put a sweater on.  It is about finding those moments in your life when you are cold but being able to think in your own body, having total control over it, and being able to warm yourself up.

                What about those depressing, drizzling, dark, cloudy and cold days when everything seems bad, without energy and even hopeless? I like those days, but I do not feel or think about them the way I just said. I like them because it is an opportunity to be happy and positive when almost no one feels that way. It is an opportunity to show the people around you, but also, yourself, that you can do it and that no matter what nothing will stop you from getting where you want to go.  Those days make me think about what I am going through, what I will do, how  I will get somewhere, how will I solve a problem, or just think about life, philosophizing and reminiscing. I get to think about how the Earth was so amazingly perfectly made. How, when everything seems bad, or negative, you can get under the frost and find the beauty and positivism of nature.

                The cold is comforting to me. I know I can get on my bed or a couch with a snuggie on, get comfortable, and in matter of minutes I will be warm right with the temperature my body needs. I can be sad, and in certain cases the gray environment will make me feel more down, but after I have got warm and comfortable I can feel how slowly, from my body, to my mind, to my soul I am feeling better.

           The cold weather can make me feel happy no matter if I'm feeling already good or bad. It makes me feel alive and it gives me a purpose for that day to try to make others happy and to make them feel the way I do. My blog´s name says snow bunting, and that is the name of the birds in the back image of it. I chose both the name and the picture of that small bird because they are cold weather animals. The snow buntings can live in the snow and pretty low temperatures, and no matter how small they are compared to the world, or how easier they can freeze because of their small size, they are still living without complaining about it. You can see it as a metaphor in which the little and indefense snow bunting bird is living in a hard environment, with cold and with scarcely enough food, but they are still singing. And that is what we are supposed to do; we have to take the best of what we got and take advantage of it.  I like cold days because I feel like if I was giving one more opportunity to overcome myself and become a better person.